The Horcrux Diaries
by Schermionie
Summary: Haven't you ever thought that being a Horcrux isn't all fun and games? Have you ever considered that being whined to by a random girl constantly isn't all that pleasant? Introducing: the Horcrux Diaries. Sequel to 'Idiots Think We're Evil'. Oneshot


Disclaimer: I do not Harry Potter. Neither do I have bad breath.

A/N: This is just some randomness I came up with to cure my writer's block in time for DH. I felt that people haven't really considered how Labby felt being stuck in that toilet... If anyone is interested, though I doubt it, I have a Tom/Hermione fic coming up and possibly a sequel to "Us? Friends?" Anyways. Enjoy.

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_Dear diary,_

_I don't know whether you've discovered this or not, but it's quite difficult to write on oneself. However, after months of experimentation (because I have that much free time, but I'll talk about that later) I have finally managed it! Mwhahahaha! _

_I'm not going to go into details about how this happened, as I'm sure you know it already since you _are _me_. _No. This diary shall be a record of the brutal kidnapping and mistreatment of me and my kind. For some time now, I have been receiving Horcruxial waves of pure boredom and resentment towards our master from an old friend of mine. An old friend of mine who lives in a cave – yes, that's right, a cave! And me, here on the floor of a toilet stuck with a permanently-hormonal ghost. It was even worse before. I was stuck in some filthy old basement with tons of other evil objects, who you'd think would give me some sort of sympathy, but they all used to tease me for not being evil enough. Me/ Not evil enough! Well, I thought, I'd show _them_. So I developed this extremely evil laugh – mwhahahaha! See? It's evil – but by the time I'd finished it, some idiot with bad breath who thinks canes are still a good idea (they are _so _last season) came and took me away. Then this random girl with even worse breath came and defiled my pages and then she threw me in here when she tired of me!_

_Can you see how mistreated I've been? I'm going to go now before I burst into tears or spontaneously combust at the unfairness of it all. May we both dream sweet sweet dreams of murder and good oral hygiene. _

_Labby, co-founder of the 'Um… Rights for Horcruxes' league and Order of Boredom, First Class. _

_Deary me, _

_Well, that didn't work out very well, did it? I couldn't sleep a wink. The dripping of the taps in here could drive anyone mad. Well, not _all _the taps are dripping. The one with the snake engraved on it – quite clearly the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets, if you ask me; even I expected those idiotic humans to work it out, but they never did! Of course, if they had just listened to _me_, all this Tom Riddle fiasco would never have happened. I mean, just because Salazar Slytherin was a man doesn't mean he'd never go in a girl's bathroom – has never worked, thank goodness. But what the absence of one dripping tap does is made up for with the wails of that hormonal ghost I mentioned. She never shuts up. Seriously. I suspect she's crying because she has no friends, but if she just stopped crying and came out from her toilet to mix with normal (?) society, she might make some. _

_Back to the hardships of life, I'd just like to say that currently I am being subjected to suffer the equivalent of a small tidal wave for a diary-Horcrux. But those Horcruxial waves I mentioned above are helping me survive. They give me hope that I am not the only one experiencing severe discontent with the way we Horcruxes are treated. They give me hope that someday the former glory of the 'Um… rights for Horcruxes' league shall be restored! Mwhahahaha! _

_Oh, I've said that already haven't I? Well, I enjoy saying it. Mwhahahaha! Mwhahahaha! Mwhahahaha! Mwhahahaha! _

_Hmmm… Putting it like that, it does need a little more improving, doesn't it? I'll go do so now. _

_Labby. _

_Dear Discontented Diary, _

_I have now added an extra 'ha' to the end of my evil laugh. I believe this to be quite an improvement, especially in the few hours it took to perfect it. I am quite pleased with myself. Mahahahaha! In case you are wondering, that was a little congratulatory laugh I've been developing. I figured I might need it since I'm going to meet up with my friend – you know, the one who lives in the cave – so we can start our rebellion from scratch. I'm sick of my mistreatment – did you know our wage has been reduced to £6? Besides, I've really had my eye on that award recently. We wrote a damn good speech and we reserve recognition damnit! Hmm, damnit. Has a nice ring to it. I shall use it more often. Mahahahaha!_

_Oh, damnit! Looks like a few of those useless mortals have spotted me. Maybe they've sensed my silent cries for help and have come to my aid? Or perhaps they're part of a dating agency! Mahahahaha! I can't wait! Even Horcruxes need love you know. I've heard the stalactites are quite good... _

_Oh, damn. No, I must be wrong. This boy's breath _stinks_, and that is always the sign of an enemy. I should stop writing now and pretend to be lifeless._

_Oh, joy. I'm at practically minimum wage and I have to pretend to be dead for damnit knows how long. _

_Wow! I have started to last three paragraphs with 'oh'! That must be a first… Well, anyway. Must dash. _

_Labby the Extremely Mistreated and Misunderstood Horcrux. _

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